Why am I not happy all the time?

The other night after our devotion with the boys, Blake asked, "If I have the Holy Spirit living inside of me, then why am I not happy all of the time?"

Good question, I thought. I certainly know that I have asked myself the same question time and again. I know the answer... but many times, I too struggle with it. God never promised that being a follower of Christ would make our lives without sadness, sorrow, or loneliness. He just promises that in Him we have hope and an eternity with Him apart from all sadness. We should be thankful for the Giver and not for the gifts that we are given. At the end of the day, every good and perfect gift is from above. So, we should rejoice in our Lord, and know that he will give us the peace and happiness that our hearts desire.

I know that is very difficult when we feel pain in our hearts, and loneliness. We (I) tend to have pity parties and turn inward, feeling sorry for myself and asking God why He would let me be so sad. Truthfully, He wants me to "Praise Him when I win, and Praise Him when I lose"...something I continue to work on. I guess Blake gets his sensitive heart honestly. I am just so thankful that he does not let his loneliness befriend negative influences just to keep him from feeling alone. Blake continues to be very intentional in making friends, making sure he truly appreciates the company. It is just my prayer tonight, that God will find favor with Blake and I both, and will send us special friends. However, until then, I will praise my God, and thank Him for this day. If I receive no other blessing today, the day itself was a giftfrom my Savior!

Peggy's Posts

Peggy Bourland (10:30 last night) This song has been in my mind for the last two days, " our God is an awesome God he reins..from heaven above , with wisdom, power, and love , our God is an awesome God! Just wanted to share. I love you all, God Bless, Peggy & Boys, and family

Peggy Bourland (this morning) Thank you for your praying heart. I could not be making it through this with out my Lord Jesus Christ and the support of all of my many friends,family and people I don't know. Love always,Peggy&boys

Peggy Bourland (Little before 11:00 am) No new news to report. I did ask for info about the 6.0 quake they had this morning,whether not it affected the Hotel site or if they had to stop briefly. They will be checking on it for me and calling back soon. I was told that a 7.0 quake is 22times stronger than the one they just experienced and it was a little further out than the first.


Peggy Bourland Post (11:00 a.m) I got my phone call. The rescue efforts came to a brief halt during the tremor and they immediatly went back to work.No damage at the Hotel site.I leave you with this" Trust in Him at All times;pour out your heart before Him;God is our refuge."Ps.62:8 This was shared with me from my little boys childrens ministry direc...tor.Thank you all so much and Stay True In Your Faith,Ken is alive,Peggy


What a powerful testimony of pure faith and God's strength!

Peggy Bourland (this afternoon) I would like to share with you all, that one of Kellie's friends called her this morning and with Kellie's help asccepted Christ as her Lord and Savior....In the misdt of pain and suffering God is working miracles and giving hope and peace to His children..Love to all Peggy&boys,Kellie,Bobby,Bill,Dennis and Adrienne

I Will Rise

I checked Peggy's status first thing this morning and she had posted pictures of Ken and the family. I know she is still holding onto hope, but I also realize that it is day 7 since he has been trapped. My eyes stung with tears for her and the emotional turmoil she must be dealing with right now. Yet, she is still holding onto Jesus for every breath!


I look at all this poor woman is dealing with, and then feel awful for my own pity party I continue to have for mysleffcxz. As I was coming home after taking Gavin to school, I heard one of my favorite songs. I just sat and listened to every word and rejoiced in it's truth.

Chris Tomlin "I Will Rise"

There's a peace I've
come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say, it is well

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagle's wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise, I will rise, etc...

Still praying for the Bourlands...

Toxic Traveller

We travelled back from North Georgia today, where we spent the last 4 days with Russ' mom and dad. It is a 6 1/2 hour trip, that is very for the most part, a very simple trip. Today, was no ordinary day. We should have know better when Holden woke up EARLY this morning crying and with a toxic "backdoor blowout" that was bath worthy. Well, we cleaned him up and we were on our way. Yet, a few short hours later, we would relive the same backdoor blowup from before, but with only wipes to aid us in our toxic cleanup.

We teetered on calling OSHA to file a report, but managed to take care of things on our own, once again. I think we all broke a sweat during the clean up process, if not from the work, then from the nausea!

After we had cleaned him up, we grabbed a bite and got back on the road. Not ten minutes later, the exhaustion must have caught up with him, because even his tasty apple was not enough to keep him awake. It must have been a hard morning for Holden...

Heartbreaking...Haiti

For the past five days since the earthquake in Haiti, a story has weighed heavy on my mind. Apparently, Peggy and Ken Bourland went to the same church that we were attending in South Florida, First Baptist of Weston. Although I did not know the family, he was Air Force and had been in Haiti during the tragic earthquake. His wife, Peggy, had exchanged an email with him 10 minutes before the event. Following the email, she went to turn on cartoons for her son, and saw the news brief about the Haiti disaster. She immediately sent an email to her husband asking him to tell her that he was ok... an email still unanswered.

I have been following her Facebook status and waiting and praying alongside of her for the safe recovery of her husband. Her faith is so strong and she is so inspiring. Yet, I find myself in tears for her... for her children... for Ken, who, if alive, is struggling to survive while waiting and hoping to be discovered.

I know that he is not the only person trapped in Haiti in this unfathomable disaster. My heart is so heavy for all of the poor people who are waiting for word of their loved ones. SO many will never know what happened to their friend or family member. They are burying masses of people in holes or burning them in mounds to get rid of disease and body wastes. What year are we in? It seems like in this day and age, this would not occur. Yet, life goes on normally, everywhere, but in Haiti. Please pray with me, for this country and for all of the people affected by this tragedy.


I will leave you with a few of Peggy Bourland's posts. I


http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/01/17/airforce.major.missing/index.html


Peggy Bourland Post (yesterday afternoon): We know you are praying for us as we can feel the Spirit's power giving us strength. We also ask that you would pray for Ken to have strength. The strength that comes only from God to those who have put their trust in Jesus, as Ken has. We are hurting and can only image what Ken is going through. We are believing God for a major miracle!!!

Peggy Bourland Post(last night): Sorry so late for the update but my boys needed their mommy for bedtime tonight:) I heard from my contact that the status hasn't changed, but they are working very hard 24/7 to find Ken and the many others still trapped in the Hotel. I still have HOPE ! I will not stop praying..Thank you again for the encouragement and... constant prayer. I am at a loss for words. God Bless You All ! Peggy

Peggy Bourland Post(this morning): I spoke with mine and Ken's good friend from Southcom this morning and there is still no new news to report but that they are working very hard. We know that God is a miracle worker and "if you seek Him you will find Him". Our faith is in the Lord our Saviour. Ken, we love you and we are not giving up !!Hold on they are coming ! I love you all,Peggy and family.

Peggy Bourland Post(this afternoon): "I will be strong and courageous.I will not be terrified,or discouraged; for the Lord my God is with me wherever I go." Joshua 1:9..I sent this verse with Ken to wear around his neck while he served in Iraq in 2004. I just felt the need to share it with all of our friends and family who are still praying for us..Love Peggy

Gone...but ... Forgotten?

So...has it been a while since I have whined about being lonely? Well, we have been "relocated" for the last 7 1/2 months... and I just have to say...it sucks. It sucks to move. It sucks to leave and for life to go on without you. Does anyone miss us as much as we miss them? Probably not...because life goes on. Someone just steps in as we step out, and life goes on for those we leave behind. IT SUCKS TO FEEL SO REPLACEABLE!



However, for us...it is a whole new intoduction of ourselves. I feel like we are trying to win some type of beauty pageant just to get a dinner invite. Apparently, we are still "runners-up".



Russ says that he is the only friend I need...yet we still don't even have a sitter to allow us husband/wife time that couples need. So, tonight, I am praying for friends.

Family Fun???

So, I thought it would be lots of fun to play board games with the boys today. We are all home, sitting around the fire, it is soooooo cold outside, and it just seemed like something fun to do. Not to mention, if I heard, "I'm bored!" one more time, I thought I might lose my religion. Really? Wasn't Christmas a week ago, still not time for Santa's sleigh to cool down from the long trip and they are BORED!? Don't even let me get started!

So, there was about 10 minutes of bickering over WHO would be the Banker. The decision was handed down that I would be the banker, no more arguing. Then, I got the money all handed out to everyone, we were rolling the dice to see who would go first, and Blake opts out of the game. Seriously? Okay, so we are down to Landon, Gavin and me! We played for a short while, until Gavin landed on Go To Jail and learned he had to roll doubles to get out. (Quitter #2) I talked him into continuing to play. The game continued for about another hour...until Landon AND Gavin quit on me. Then ran off saying how BORED they were. OH MY WORD! Who's kids are they?

Friday Funny

Gavin: "Dad? Dad?"
Dad: "Yes, Gavin?"
Gavin: "Blake is "Boss Hogging me!"

Weight Watcher... Post Holiday Trauma

The holiday food took control, and I lost it! Not weight...mind you...control over the battle of the bulge! It is time to get back on track! Lord grant me the discipline to stop eating everything I want whenever I want it...to step back into fitness...and to be able to wriggle back into my clothes comfortably!

Happy New Year! Ringing in 2010!

I am soooo thankful for a new year! I am looking forward to the opportunity to make a difference for my Savior this year! I am looking forward to the spiritual growth of my family, both as individuals and as a family! We welcome your prayers for us all as we seek to glorify our Creator in the coming year!

Good-bye 2009

It has been a while since my last entry...call it writers block, call it "not one spare waking second to be alone with my thoughts", whatever you call it, my mind has still been spinning. I must confess that my list of things to accomplish has not really been dwindling down and my "read my bible in a year" daily reading log has also fallen behind. This leaves my spiritual position in a place I would prefer it not be left. Don't get me wrong, I rejoice in the Lord and the true celebration of the birth of Christ for Christmas, I feel from my depth that is what this time of year is all about, but as I said, the busyness of the school parties, the work parties, the family visiting, (though all was wonderful and very special, the preparation can sometimes be exhausting - leaving little time to be quiet in my own thoughts).

The boys received a daily devotion for Christmas, and we have enjoyed piling up together and doing the devotion, and taking turns praying together...something that we used to do, but again, got out of the "habit" of doing thanks to life taking over. I have asked the older boys to pray about a way for us to serve the Lord this year... we have been out of service for too long and I ask myself, "What are we doing for the Him?" I truly feel like we are missing so many opportunities and quite frankly, blessings, by our idleness. We think that by teaching our children about serving the Lord and following Him that our job is over, but actually, it is just beginning. "Do as I say, not as I do!" NO MORE! SO we are prayerfully seeking a way to DO as a family. For many years, Russ and I served in the Married Couples Ministry, but our boys never "experienced" that service. They are getting to the age where at least the older ones would understand. Now the only question, is "What does that look like for our family?"

Moving to South Carolina has been a blessing in many ways. One way is that we are closer to family. It has been so wonderful to see my mom and Tim once a month or so, after only about 2 times a year seeing my mom and not seeing Tim for 2 years. Russ' mom and dad are about 6 1/2 hours away and Amy and Chris and our nephew Micah are about 7, though it takes them about 12 because they stop A LOT on the way. I have complained about one thing here though...here's the thing...in Florida, it was very much a "northern culture" meaning, people were NOT generally very "friendly". However, you pretty much knew where you stood with everyone. If people were friendly, they were authentic and really cared. In the "south", it is very much "southern culture". One thing you will almost always hear, is that everyone is sooooo friendly. Yep! That is absolutely true! The only problem with that, is that many times that friendliness ends with superficial greetings and how do you do's. The authenticity and "care" is many times not present. It is the polite thing to do to ask how you are, but at the end of the day, many people do not really care. Many are concerned with being "proper" and "friendly", but that does not minister to one another or the needs of people in any way. SO, I find myself, yet again, in a pity party, wishing someone would come along side of me and "care enough about me" to pull me toward a closer spiritual relationship with Christ. HOWEVER, I have also realized that I am at fault for expecting anyone to help me to be a more spiritual person, or to help me have a closer relationship with Christ. It is no one else's responsiblity but MINE! At the end of the day, it is me and God...and not the responsibilty of an "outsider" to nudge my spiritual walk.

So, as a couple and a family, it is time, to step up...step out of chaos of the "world" and seek HIM in all that we do... Good-bye to idle minds, idle hands and idle words... Use me Lord to make a difference for You. I know that my life on this earth is temporary... what do I want people to think of me when I am gone? More imporantly, I know that when I am rejoicing with my Creator in Heaven, I want HIM to say, "Well done, My good and faithful servant!" I want to lead my children by example, not words of instruction. Goodbye 2009, hello new beginnings!

Kwanzaa...say what?

Landon noticed that the word Kwanzaa was a spelling word this week for school. He was disgusted immediately. He proclaimed that he does not even celebrate Kwanzaa, why should he have to spell it. I calmly explained that just because HE does not celebrate Kwanzaa, that he could understand what it is about since other people DO celebrate it.

He said, "Well, what is it anyway?" So, I told him, to the best of my knowledge, that they celebrated their African heritage.

Landon quickly became even more irritated with the whole concept and proclaimed, "That is NOT honoring to God! What do they honor? Goo? Hair Goo?"

Now at this time, I was a little taken aback and confused. "Huh?" I said.

"I just don't understand why anyone would celebrate their hair!" (Hair-itage)

Oh my word! So, we will be studying and coming to an understanding about what Kwanzaa is tonight. To my understanding, it is a celebration of African Heritage...? Anyone...anyone...

I didn't know that...!

Gavin: Do you know how to tell if a frog is a boy or a girl?
Me: No. (Thinking to myself, "WOW, this kid has been doing some awesome educational learning...from SOMEWHERE!"
Gavin: Boy frogs don't have eyebrows!
Me: Riiiight!

That kid cracks me up!

Life Lesson Learned

Holden has a fascination with the telephone, as do most all children, I am sure. Problem: Apparently, if you dial **8***253**, this number will be answered by a 911 operator. If no one responds, and the phone is promptly hung up...the 911 operator will call back. Within the following 5-10 minutes a police officer will knock (ever so persistently) on your front door until you, trailed by your snotty nosed accidental caller, answer the door and explain. Makin' memories...!

Life Lesson Learned

Apparently, if are willing to start them early and you would like to introduce your 19 month old to the taste of fermented wine...just let them find an old sippy cup of long lost juice. WOW! Not sure about the taste, but the smell was ... well, you can imagine.