Not complaining, just confused...

For as long as I can remember it has been my goal to tell the boys how much I love them. If I asked them today, "Do you know how much I love you?", they would reply, "to infinity and beyond!" So you cna imagine my confusion when over the past few months, Blake has gotten into the "habit" (I say it that way because I do not know what else it could be) of asking me no less than 15 times a day (sometimes 25-30), "Do you love me?"

My reply, "Absolutely!"

Blake counters, "Are you sure?"

"I am positively sure, no doubts, absolutely... I love you forever and beyond even that!" I say.

"Do you REALLY?"

Oh my word! I am thankful that he wants me to tell him, however, I cannot fill him. He is not satiated. That leaves me not knowing how to convince him. Even when he is so angry at me that he cannot even look at me, I will wrap my arms around him and tell him that I know he does not understand, but that I do love him.

So, I asked him this week if he could put his finger on the need that I was not meeting regarding expressing to him convincingly that I do love him and I am sure, and no matter what, I will always love him. He simply said, no, that he knew I loved him, he just wanted to make sure.

Some days, he will come up to me, hug me and not let me go, just squeeze me as hard as he can and just tell me that he loves me so much. Or from across the room, "Mom, I love you so much! I just love you so much!" It sounds sweet doesn't it? Somehow though, there is a deep needy sound behind it that I do not understand. I find myself thinking, if you love me sooooo much, why do you treat me like poo on the bottom of your shoe... disgusted and repulsed with me and the rest of your family most hours of the day?

Help me out here! What is going on? What am I missing? What type of horrible parent am I that no matter how much I express my love to him, it is never enough. Again I am thankful for his expression, many people in this world never express their love to others, I am just wondering what I am doing wrong and how I can help him feel peace.