Ode to Bella Grace

ODE TO BELLA GRACE

Oh, Bella Grace, when will you learn
Our trust you may never earn

You insist on chewing up our home
Looking for trouble you like to roam

Does that diaper really taste that good?
As tasty as real food would?

Is it worth it to eat those toys
And terrorize these four Brown boys

Could that trash be so delish
Try your food, it tastes like fish

Whatever you eat, it must go through
It is so sad to see “silly band” poo!

Is it worth it to eat wrappers and all
It must hurt when that foil falls

Your bowl is full when will you see
Eat your food and let all else be

What is the magic age for mom?

This morning as Blake and Landon were getting ready for school, Landon asks: "Mom, at what age do you stop wanting more kids?"

My reply: "Me personally, or people in general?"

Landon: "You personally!"

Me: "Well, Landon, I am pretty sure we are done!"

Landon: "NOOOOOOOOOOO! I want you to have more kids!"

Blake: "No, we are going to adopt!" (Obviously, that must be what he is saving his allowance for... not the PS3, yea, right!)

Me: "Boys, there are no plans for either of those things to happen, so I suggest you talk to God about that."

Who are these kids? Do they realize that I am already practically deaf from the arguing amongst the four of them already? And crazy from the competitiveness of brother versus brother.

As I prayed with the boys on their way out to go to school, Landon adds, "and Lord, please give us another child!"

Shhhh, listen carefully and you may be able to hear the sound of Russ throwing up from anxiety over the very thought!

PS. Still not planning on more kids, don't panic folks!

News Flash

According to Gavin: He holds the world record for the fastest at running across the living room floor and kicking himself up into a headstand position, then holding it the longest.

Two world records. Bet you can't beat that!

Ha ha ha ha

Summer 2010- 2

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Fort Sumter

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Serving at the Shelter

A couple of weeks ago, the night before our end of the summer beach week, our family served at the homeless shelter. It has been on my heart for some time and I thought that now the kids were a little older it would be a great time to serve Him together. We did get a sitter for Gavin and Holden so that we could give all of our attention to the work. Blake and Landon were a little apprehensive about it and did not want to participate. However, it was very much on Russ and I's heart that we should serve alongside one another WITH them.

The day had come, and I too started to become a little concerned. We explained that these people were homeless and may not have a means to shower and take care of themselves. The boys asked if they would cuss at them... where they got that from, I am unsure, but we told them honestly that we did not know. We told them not to be concerned with what they said to them, just love them anyway. After all, God loves them the same as He does us, and so we should love them as well!

We got to the shelter and started preparing the food that we had taken. There was another family with kids Blake and Landon's age, they were new to Charleston this summer. It was so great to get to talk with them and the kids worked together rolling utensils.

The food was ready to be served and the window panel was raised for the food line to begin. The boys stood in the serving line and greeted the men and listened as most all of them thanked us for the wonderful meal. They were so gracious and appreciative and once everyone was served some came back for 2nds, 3rds, 4ths... ;-)

Once everyone was filled, we shut the kitchen window, and began cleanup. As we left the boys asked how soon we could come back and serve again. Blake said it was not what he expected... (when is anything ever what you expect). I asked him to first tell me about his experience, and then he could tell me how it was different than his expectations. Landon said he was just so in awe of all of the men saying thank you as they came through the line. They both said that they loved serving and they could not wait until we could go back... which is not until October (with our church). I am so thankful for the opportunity to serve alongside of my boys, and I know there are more opportunities out there just waiting for us!

Just thankful!

Today... I just have an overwhelming thankfulness in my heart. I always trust that God is in control, yet I don't always "feel" at peace. At this moment, on this day, tears come to my eyes as I feel a peace and gratitude and a faithfulness that I have been longing to feel once again. Blake and Landon have teachers that they adore... PRAISE GOD! Blake has come home the past two days with joy in his eyes... I have missed that! I know the year has only just begun, but I feel a hope and a thankfulness for what I know is going to be an amazing year ahead! Last year was not without struggles for us all, but He delivered us.

This summer has been so much fun for our family... on the road a lot, beach and lake family fun... but the one thing it took us far away from was our regular church worship. We went when we were in town, but that was not often enough. Through all of the fun, I missed my intimacy with God. Now, though I do not like the homework and the school schedules, I love my time with the Lord and am so looking forward to worship and the beginning of a new year with our small group.

So, today... I am just thankful, for the adjustment period to be behind our family and that the time has come to dig our heels in and take off. I am praying a special prayer for Blake today, I ask that you too will lift him up this week as we are waiting on some information on him. Thankful for my many, many undeserved blessings!

All Grow'd Up... ;-)

Funny Sayings from the first day of school/football for Blake and Landon:

Blake: Well, 3rd graders don't do "this" and 3rd graders don't do "that". 5th Graders get to do "this" AND "that".

Landon: Blake, you just think you are all that now that you are at the top of the food chain!
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We picked up football pads and helmets for Blake and Landon on Monday. They are both doing tackle this year, and both are so excited. Apparently, Blake has a tiny head and was unable to be fitted with a helmet on Monday, so we had to go back today because they were supposed to get some more in. SO, we go, and we walk in and there are a ton of NEW helmets. Landon's jaw drops and he immediately states that he wants a new helmet...he says, "they are so CLEAN and SHINY"! I explain to Landon that he has his helmet and we will try to clean it up as best we can. (It is pretty disgusting).

We are walking to the car and as I have to do regularly... I do a kid check... "Do I have everyone, am I missing anything?"

Landon replies "Yep! You are missing my new helmet!"

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When explaining to Blake why he needed a new helmet, Landon says, "There is nothing wrong with being a "Clean-Freak"! Well, not a "freak" but just obsessed with clean!"

Not complaining, just confused...

For as long as I can remember it has been my goal to tell the boys how much I love them. If I asked them today, "Do you know how much I love you?", they would reply, "to infinity and beyond!" So you cna imagine my confusion when over the past few months, Blake has gotten into the "habit" (I say it that way because I do not know what else it could be) of asking me no less than 15 times a day (sometimes 25-30), "Do you love me?"

My reply, "Absolutely!"

Blake counters, "Are you sure?"

"I am positively sure, no doubts, absolutely... I love you forever and beyond even that!" I say.

"Do you REALLY?"

Oh my word! I am thankful that he wants me to tell him, however, I cannot fill him. He is not satiated. That leaves me not knowing how to convince him. Even when he is so angry at me that he cannot even look at me, I will wrap my arms around him and tell him that I know he does not understand, but that I do love him.

So, I asked him this week if he could put his finger on the need that I was not meeting regarding expressing to him convincingly that I do love him and I am sure, and no matter what, I will always love him. He simply said, no, that he knew I loved him, he just wanted to make sure.

Some days, he will come up to me, hug me and not let me go, just squeeze me as hard as he can and just tell me that he loves me so much. Or from across the room, "Mom, I love you so much! I just love you so much!" It sounds sweet doesn't it? Somehow though, there is a deep needy sound behind it that I do not understand. I find myself thinking, if you love me sooooo much, why do you treat me like poo on the bottom of your shoe... disgusted and repulsed with me and the rest of your family most hours of the day?

Help me out here! What is going on? What am I missing? What type of horrible parent am I that no matter how much I express my love to him, it is never enough. Again I am thankful for his expression, many people in this world never express their love to others, I am just wondering what I am doing wrong and how I can help him feel peace.

Answered Prayers? Absolutely!

I was reading the following update for Zack Mayo today. (the 11 year old boy who has cancer previously mentioned in my blog):

{the nurse is starting chemo.pray for me to be strong.Ernie is always strong.Zack is sleeping-has no idea that his body is about to be invaded by toxic drugs.He is so strong& brave.So thankful God has given him to us."For assuredly I say to you,if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain...,'Move from here to there,'and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you"~Matthew 17:20}

I was remembering times in my life when I have held on to this verse. Along with the following verse: Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. Mark 11:24

Obviously, I do not think the "whatever" in this verse means a million dollars or anything. One of the first times I remember so vividly clinging to these verses with the hope of a miracle was when my friend Kristy was pregnant and at 17 weeks, she started leaking amniotic fluid. The doctors told her that her chances of carrying her child to term were very slim. She stayed on bed rest for more weeks than I can remember until her body became toxic, they had to take the baby and fight to save her life. That whole time, I remembered praying without ceasing unlike any praying I had ever done before. I had scenarios in my head about how God could be glorified by that child making it against all the odds and what a testimony my sweet friend Kristy would have. Against all odds miracle baby that would give God all the glory. That is not the way God planned it though. God took that little baby boy home, and I was angry! Why? What kind of testimony was that for His glory? Didn't the bible say that "whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" (Mark 11:24). Did we not believe enough? Did we not have enough faith?

Fast forward a couple of years, I had found out that I was pregnant. After a couple of months, we shared the news with our family, then a week or two later, the doctor told me that my baby had died, that it no longer had a heartbeat. I was asked if I wanted to have a DNC. Absolutely not, was my reply. My baby could not possibly be gone, maybe it was just too soon to see the heartbeat. I held on with every bit of faith and belief in my soul that my God was mighty, and he performed miracles. However, once again, God said no. Sadly, after our Gavin was born, this happened one more time to us, and again, God said no.

How was God glorified? Honestly, I do not know. One day I will have to ask Him. I do know that God allowed me to walk in that pain and suffering, never leaving nor forsaking me despite my crying out in anger and sadness. He brought me through it, and has made me a person who can minister to others who have and will go through a similar situation. I also know, that my prayer life had increased exponentially. Maybe that was how God was glorified, again, I do not know.

For today, I will pray with the Mayo family, and rejoice in the faith that they have... no matter how God answers their prayers, He is with them and will walk with them through it all, in that I have faith! I will thank God for delivering me through painful times in my life, and look forward to meeting two additional beautiful children in Heaven.

Let's Go Crazy

I was flipping through the channels and passed over '19 Kids and Counting' with the Duggar family. pffft! She has 19 CHILDREN! I have 4! She seems to have all of this order and organization, and the ability to sit and sing 'Kumbaya' at the end of the day. I cannot even get my boys to flush the toilet, much less act like the Sound of Music's VonTrapp Family! What the hay-ho? (TO take some slang from Blake!) I am lucky to have all of my hair left by the end of most days! If I am singing anything it's "Let's Go Crazy"! A "reality" show about a family that cannot possibly be realistic... WHY WOULD I WANT TO WATCH THAT? All that will do is make me feel like a loser mom and even more out of control! SKIP!

Exit Soapbox...

If only I was on Fantasy Island

One of the latest tasty treats cooked up by Blake THIS week, was Fantasy Fudge! I am quite sure the angels in Heaven were singing an Halleluia song as that was setting! The fudge is, of course, A-Ma-Zing! However, it is not the only Fantasy going on in this house! I am living in the fantasy that this fudge is a "free food" so to speak. You know, calorie free. As much as I have dipped into this fudge, I am living the fantasy that it is NOT jumping onto my thights and fanny and hanging on for dear life. Reality check! It is going straight to the booty...each and every bite!

On a better note, Blake did wake up during the breakfast hours today and make breakfast for everyone. Well, since this is his first time, I did a little more than I was hoping, but the good news is, next time he has a good idea how to go it alone.

SO, for now, I am going back to my Fantasy Land, and I am going to have a "free" piece of fudge, and fantasize about the day that maybe, just maybe, I could get help with DINNER... maybe just 1-2 days a week? Ahhhhhh!

Hyper-chondriac? sp?

It is 12:00 p.m. and Blake has stumbled from his room in a groggy stupor after sleeping the entire morning away. In his defense, he did attend a sleepover Saturday night and as I understand it, did do much sleeping! WHich begs the next question... why do kids go to "sleepovers" and refuse to sleep. It is as if someone is whispering in their ear, "as soon as you go to sleep, you have given up all opportunity for fun forever!" (Doggone voices!) But, I digress!

As I am sitting on the couch for a moment trying to just finish the last few pages of my book Blake plops down on the arm of the sofa...

Blake: Mom, have you checked me for Cancer?

REALLY? But I calmly say, "What are you talking about?"

Blake: Are you 100 percent positive that I do not have cancer? When I was born did they make sure that I did not have cancer?

Oh my word! It makes me so sad that he would have this fear at 10 years old, yet I am not surprised because he is a bit dramatic and hyperchondriac-ish! However, I believe that this concern is stemming from a young boy who is 11 years old named Zack Mayo. We do not know Zack, but he is from my hometown of Wilmington and we have been prayerfully following this sweet boys journey through the unknown. Here is his story:

On Wednesday, June 9, 2010, our perfect world turned upside down.Our 11 yr old- Zack had just graduated 5th grade the day before & we were looking forward to a fun summer break. I left the house at 5am to meet my friend Tracey at Wrightsville Beach for exercise down the beach & to watch the sunrise. I left everyone sleeping in the house.I returned @7am with breakfast for everyone.My boys, Zack&Nick were up&running around.My husband Ernie had coffee ready for us to enjoy on the screened porch.It was a beautiful morning! After breakfast our boys got in the pool.Ernie had to leave for work but said take a picture of them enjoying the pool....I hate to leave he sd. I did snap a great pic of them enjoying their first day of summer break. Brothers having fun! They got out because Jake, one of Zack's friends, called to see if he wanted to go with them to pick berries. Around 10am, he said I'm going outside to ride my scooter until they get here. He came in just a few minutes later telling me he had fallen on his scooter. He said he fell on the concrete. His elbows were skinned & he had a goose egg on his head with a few other scrapes but did not appear to be anything serious. I got ice & told him I think I'll take you to the dr just to get your head checked - just because I'm one of those moms who always get head bumps checked. Called my husband to tell him&my neighbor to see if she could watch my little guy. Meanwhile, his friend&mom arrived and said they thought he looked ok but it was a good idea to get him checked. My neighbor came in and I said his color does not look good, I'm taking him now. We got him up&he passed out briefly. I immediately called 911. By the time my husband&EMT arrived he was very white, his lips were blue and he was cold. He was still conscious. They treated him as a concusion&reassured me that disorientation etc was typical with that. He was rushed to New Hanover Regional Medical Center with me in the rescue squad talking to him as they said to keep talking. The last thing he said to me was "mommy stop talking" - which is so typical of my sweet Zack. We were greeted at the ER by about 10 people&they said we have to intibate him&sedate him immediately so he won't fight us. I agreed. My husband joined me in the ER&within 10 minutes our son was in cardiac arrest. I'm not certain how much time passed as we collasped to the floor of the ER, thinking our son was dead - devasted, sobbing, crying out to God, confused about what has happened when we hear a cheer&the nurse tells us they have cardiac activity! We are informed he has internal bleeding in his abdomen&he is rushed to surgery. Within hours, we discover he has a tumor on his liver (that we knew nothing about) that ruptured&he literally bled to death. Two surgeries&a stint through his groin, they are still having difficulty controlling the bleeding&keeping his blood pressure up. The decision is made on Thursday to move him to Chapel Hill. A helicopter is scheduled to transport him but there are storms in the area so a critical care unit is sent to pick him up by ambulance. Two of my good friends stay with Zack while we rush home to pack a few things. At this point, Zack is still responsive with eye blinking&hand squeezing on command.I remember walking around my bedroom in circles not really knowing what I was putting in the suitcase-almost like a dream.We return hospital to about 50 of our friends &family who are there to see him and us off. We leave about 20 minutes ahead of the ambulance.Ernie's sister &mom follow us, my parents stay behind to care for our younger son, Nick.The ambulance catches up&passes us very quickly on I40West.The 2+ hour trip takes us an eternity. We arrive at the hospital&they immediately take us into a little room.A doctor, first name Ben, comes in - says surprised our son survived trip but when he arrived asked Zack to squeeze his hand&he was amazed at his strength.Zack was losing a lot of blood as they struggle to keep up. A surgeron joins us to tell us that he can not go in from the top (abdomen) because he is afraid it will be a waterfall that he can not stop.The radiologist will have to go in with another stint through the groin to see if they can find the bleeding liver to stop it.The chances of his survival at this point, they tell us is slim.My husband&I spend the next few hours on our knees praying.I post on my facebook page &get others praying. They stinted artery in liver pumping blood out &now we are Pediactric ICU with another successful surgery behind us but in very critical condition - a coma with brain swelling,ventilator, kidney dialysis and open abdomen.God is answering prayers everyday. Follow along with us & praise God for the miracles as we climb this mountain with our son.

Zack is now in Cincinnati at the Children's Hospital where his next phase of treatment is set to begin. If you would like to join us in praying for him, she updates regularly at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/wendymayo/mystory


This could be any of our children... one day they are fine and the next everything changes. Blake has been hearing about Zack and I am sure can relate with this young boy. It breaks my heart that he would be worried that this could be him, but the fact of the matter is that it could be any of us! I am thankful for this day because it is truly a gift from God. We do not know our future or how many days we have on this earth. So I rejoice in THIS day! Tomorrow is a new day, potential gift, and I will rejoice in it if it is given to me!