Not just dirty laundry...

I want to start this post by saying... I really questioned myself as to whether to publish this. I do not want to just seem as if I am telling all my business or "airing my dirty laundry". I believe that God allows us to go through trials. I believe He molds us and builds us by our trials and walks with us the entire way, never turning His back on us. Also, in my heart, I believe that God wants us to share our trials with others so that we may feel comfort through prayer, compassion and shared joy when we come out on the other side in victory... God uses us, and our obstacles, to help one another in Godly love, and to show us that we are not alone. How lame would it be to reach the top of the mountain if there was no valley? Without a valley, there is no mountain.



A mom from Gavin's class asked me this week in passing how my kids were doing with school... I could have said, "Fine, everything is just fine!" But in honesty I said, "Well, I am struggling with my oldest, Blake!" For the next hour in the school parking lot, we both stood there and discussed the struggles we are both having and how we were both seeking the assistance of a Christian counselor to help us and our children through these times. WOW! God is present in it all!



We allowed Blake to spend the night with his buddy Friday night. This friend is basically the only friend he hangs out with at school and though we were not too keen on this sleepover, due to not having met the boys dad, we knew that this was a good kid based on his behavior at our home on several occasions, and we decided to allow him to go. Blake came home Saturday talking about how his friend's brother has anger issues and acted like a major punk to his dad and completely disrespected everyone and even hit and kicked Bennett when he did not get his way. He was appauled at what he had witnessed and we asked him what he thought of his experience. Blake said that he saw a lot of himself in the anger and "punk-itude" (punk attitude) and he knew that it was wrong and unacceptible and certainly did not honor us and more importantly GOD! WOW! If only the story ended there and we could all just start singing 'Kumbaya' and Blake never again struggled with those issues... of course, it is not that easy and it DID NOT end there!



Today was an awful day! Punk-itude, disrespect, anger, lashing out... it is all out in full force. I know kids say things when they are angry and want to hurt us, but hearing your child scream at the top of his lungs that he hates his life and wishes he was never born... that will bring you to your knees. That is exactly where I was! My heart cries out to God to heal this fracture in our family...and to give Blake the peace of His Holy Spirit.

For those friends who may read this who are my "Prayer Warrior" friends... please pray for us in this situation. I know that when we get through this valley and get to the top of this "mountain", the victory is going to be breathtaking and we will owe it all to Jesus, and our loved ones who petitioned on our behalf for this healing. Our first counselor appointment is Tuesday, and Russ and I are hopeful that this will benefit Blake, as well as all of us, in learning how to communicate effectively without getting so angry, and learning how to take the lemons that he feels like he has been given ... and make lemonade.

Praying continuously...

Is it better to be the oldest, or the youngest?

We were moving right along with family life planning for Gavin to start Kindergarten next fall at Belle Hall with Blake and Landon. He is finishing up pre-k 4 and doing very well. Then, Emily made the comment that they were thinking of keeping Brady in pre-k for another year instead of sending him to Kindergarten. His and Gavin's birthdays are 1 month apart, so of course, I thought... why in the world would you do that? She started telling me about the struggles they were going through in trying to decide and the pros and cons of the decisions. The bottom line ... is it better to be the youngest in the class always trying to "keep up" or the oldest in the class "setting the pace"?

Hmmmm. I mentioned this concept to Russ and immediately he asked why on earth we would not send him on to K5 considering he is absolutely ready academically to advance. I told him about the idea that K5 and 1st, even 2nd grade are no big deal. How about 4th, 5th, 6th grades and up when he is the youngest trying to "fit in" with the older kids. Athletically up to a year behind his classmates. If we are going to hold him back ever, this is the year. SO, now I find myself extremely concerned with our making the right decision for Gavin's future. (THANKS EMILY!!! ;-)

I continued researching and have also started consulting teachers that I know. Russ' mom for one... she offered some good thoughts and has also talked to some of her teacher friends, including her sister, Priscilla. Priscilla was confronted with the same choice with her daughter Katie, except they would not let her hold her back and she ended up having keep her back in 1st grade. Her advice... KEEP HIM BACK!

I have found many research articles saying how summer birthday (especially boys) children who wait to start kindergarten at 6 years old do so much better academically later on in school years. Obviously, we want Gavin to have all of the advantages that are possible, without hindering him in any way. I just feel as if this is a huge decision.

He is not an eager beaver when it comes to going to school every day as it is. He looks forward to his "off day" on Thursdays when he can just hang out at home and not worry about school. Then, yesterday, he collapsed in my arms in tears when I picked him up from school because some of the boys were not letting him play freeze tag and were ruling the playground time. His feelings were so hurt. I spoke to his teacher and she said that there were some extremely agressive kids in the other class and that she would keep an eye out. Was God trying to give me a hint? Would he be less likely to get his feelings hurt so easily if he was the oldest in his class? Would he be happier to go to school every day all day if he had an extra year to prepare? Would he not put up with the bully-ish attitudes of others if he knew he was the oldest? When he is in high school would I rather him be the first to get his license or the last?

Russ has opened his mind to this topic and has comforted me. He says that we will continue to research the topic, and most importantly, we will pray consistently. God will give us a peace about our decision whatever we decide. We both want to do what is best for all of our boys and in this case, Gavin. We will allow Him to direct our path.

Mealtime Made Easier? ... We shall see!

I am in the kitchen preparing the nightly meal and the kids come in and ask, "What's for dinner?"

I promptly let them know the dinner menu that I am in the midst of preparing, and I hear groans and teeth smacking. It does not matter if it is something they enjoy, that we have had a million times, somehow, it does not please ALL of them on the same night. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THERE ARE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD THAT HAVE NO FOOD AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO COMPLAIN? I cannot tell you how many times those words have come out of my mouth. I always feel like such a "parent" when I say them too! You would think that after all this time they would know better... right? (No comment from the peanut gallery).

Now, I love planning party foods and special occasion dinners; however, meal planning on a DAILY basis is almost like getting a root canal for me. I DO NOT enjoy doing it every day! The expectation of having something planned that pleases everyone is next to impossible. When I prepare dinner, I do not expect backflips and cartwheels due to overwhelming thanks and excitement of what is about to be served, but I would like a little appreciation. After all, if I were not preparing the meal, they certainly would not be fixing one for themselves. Also, apparently, sandwiches, soups (except chili), and cereal are not acceptable alternatives for them. Seriously, if someone made dinner for me EVERY SINGLE NIGHT... I would be THANKFUL!

So, I digress. The point of this is to talk about how I am going to make mealtime easier. I bought a dry erase calendar that I have velcro'd to the side of the refrigerator (not a great style sense, but practical). On this calendar, I have planned out what I will be serving for dinner for the month. Everyone may check out the calendar, cry, moan, pout about it (to themselves)... then get OVER it and come to the dinner table with a happy, thankful heart...or not eat.

On the other positive side of my pre-meal planning, I am thinking it may save me money at the grocery since I will not have to just buy stuff with the possiblity of using it at some point. Also, I will know what I am planning to use and can optimize my couponing. Only time will tell the result of my great new idea. However, if this does not work, I believe I will go on strike... indefinetly. A few days without dinner on the table might just bring a change of heart... or weight loss!

Snow fun being sick!

The snow finally began to fall! After all the hype, we finally started seeing it happen. Big beautiful snowflakes. The ground was covered after about an hour, so we all got dressed and decided to enjoy the nighttime snow storm. After about 45 minutes out in the snow, snowball fights, photo opportunities, and fun, we all headed in for the night.

Blake so graciously offered to make hot chocolate for everyone as we all changed into warm, dry clothes. But something wasn't right... Landon. Landon had been the one most ready to pee his pants with excitement, and now suddenly, nothing. He said he was feeling ill! Yeah, right. Take a pepto and suck it up. Come on, they are boys, someone always has an upset stomach or "gassy" belly. Not this time...

Landon was in the bathroom in no time, and it was "two exits, no waiting" = not a good thing. Before long, Landon was showered off and in bed. We woke him up this morning for the winter wonderland and snow canvas before us ... only to find out that even though HE slept through the night... his stomach did not. Praise the Lord, he did not choke! Poor thing... this snow day turned out to be a little less fun than Landon was hoping for... but thankfully, he is feeling a little better now.

Are you sure it is not just "The Boogie Man"?

Blake had an ear infection, so I took him to the doctor on Monday to have it checked out. She was very thorough in her assessment and even let me know that his sinus' were extremely swollen and she recommended a steroid nasal mist. Blake almost had to be resuscitated at this moment due to the fact that he is scared to death of anyone trying to medically test / or help his sicknesses.

He said, "Nooooooooo thank you!? I do not need any nasal mist".

She calmly replied, "Blake, the swelling is draining into your ears and causing this severe pain".

"Are you sure it is not just The Boogie Man"? Blake says.

I then needed to be picked off the floor due to extreme embarrassment!

Thankful Thursday...4 days early

It is only Monday, but I am feeling the need to step back and think about what I am thankful for... First, let me say that I am so thankful for Russ! I am thankful that not only is Russ a loving husband and father, he is a Godly husband and father. Recently, I have been following Peggy Bourland's heart wrenching wait for her husband to return home following the Haiti earthquake. Yesterday, Ken Bourland's body was recovered. It was not the miracle anyone was believing God for, but He is God, and I know that through all of the heartache, He will be glorified and much good will come of this situation. That certainly probably does not feel good to Peggy in the now, but then again, she is an amazing woman of strength and faith, and I sure that is the only promise that she is clinging to during this time. That brings me to another thing I am thankful for, God. I rejoice that after THIS life, I have a faith and hope in a place where no tears and sorrow will dwell. Thank you, Lord, for that promise!

I can not begin to imagine what Peggy's family, or Ken's parents are experiencing, and nor do I want to imagine. It must feel unbearable. I know that even if my boys were grown, I would never want to have to lose them, especially in such unfathomable and tragic circumstances. Which leads me to another thing I am thankful for on this day. I am thankful for each of my boys. The Lord knows that today has been a difficult day for me. I am frustrated with them. I have not been very patient, and quite honestly, I am tired of being patient. I am ready for them to step up and put forth a little more effort as members of this family. Also, I NEED A BREAK! Yet, this morning, as I was expressing my frustration with Gavin, I made the mistake of voicing that in front of him. He so sadly stated, "But mommy, if you took a break, we would not have a mommy!" I love them with every bit of my being, but I just need some time. I need to be refreshed, rejuvinated.

So, at the end of this day, I just want to thank God for my husband, and for another day to love and hold him, for my boys - and for the season that I will one day miss, and for my hope of what is to come!

Don't Shop to Shop...Shop to Buy!

Landon came home from school this week telling me that "Walker" in his class likes "Anna Grace". His ex-girlfriend, "Nancy" now likes Landon. Landon then informed me that he liked another girl. (The next day, he was over her). As you can imagine, I was a little shocked. Landon is in 2nd grade, and I just felt like it was A LOT too early for there to be girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, and EXES. I explained that there are more important things to concentrate on having fun, rather than girlfriends/boyfriends. REMINDER: 2nd Grade


So, I heard this term this week from a friend. We were discussing dating for young people, or anyone for that matter. I really liked the concept and decided that I would discuss future dating with the boys and explain this idea to them. Basically, the idea is, you don't date just to date...you date for potential future life partner. Until they are ready to consider that longterm option, there is no use in wasting time on girls. "Group" outings would be acceptible once the age is appropriate, but one on one... hmmmmm.

My mom reminded me that this is not likely to be the way the boys see things as they get older, but I explained that is what God's grace and mercy are for... and mine and Russ' prayers! All we can do is pray...and believe me, we have already started!