Got Tissue?

Well, it is 1:59 a.m.! What am I doing awake at this time of night, you wonder. Well, I am wondering too! It all started when I heard a yelling for my name... like a moaning cat. I thought that I must be dreaming, we have no cats! Then, there it is again, I hear my name. "MOOOOOOM!" and then another, "DAAAAAAD!" Oh no! One of the boys needs me. So, I jump up and head into the boys room to see what horrible thing must have occurred. It is Blake, sitting up in bed, crying, snot clogging every inch of his nose passage, the pain in his leg is too much to bear and his alarm clock is not set correctly. "HUH?" As I stumble, half asleep to get some medicine for his leg, he says he needs some tissue, at least that is what I make out through the sobbing mess that I can barely understand. So he proceeds to go to the bathroom to get some. "Why didn't you just come into my room and tell me all of this INSTEAD of yelling through the house for who know how long waiting for someone to come, possibly waking up everyone?" I ask, a little confused at his this point. "Well, that wouldn't make sense!" Blake replies. RIGHT! That's right! Oh my goodness.

So, here I sit, at 2:00 a.m. with a headache myself and a growly stomach! Is it too early for breakfast?

Got any lemons?...

What is this feeling inside of me that is making me sick? I feel like I could throw up at any minute! Sleep! Why am I so tired? Where did my joy go? What is wrong with me? Oh... it is overwhelming anxiety about all that is going on the next few weeks of my life. Why can't we sell our house? What if we cannot find a new house in the right school district? It is boiling up inside to the point of making me ill. I feel like I could cry at any moment. Why can't I get my fill from God. His word says, " Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." (Phil 4:6), yet I cannot feel the comfort from those words at this time. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths smooth. " (Prov 3:5-6). Where is my faith? Why do I feel so much sadness? My head tells me the truth of God's Word, His promises, His love. Yet at this exact moment I feel so alone and abandoned. Where did my Lord go? Where is my Comforter, My Healer, My Protector, My Redeemer, Mr Strength, My Deliverer, My Shelter, My Strong Tower? I know, I know...He never left...I did!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer 29:11) It is all in God's timing, not my own...when do I learn that age old tidbit? I cannot see the future, but God is the Beginning AND the END. He loves me DESPITE my shortcomings, only HE knows why, I certainly don't.

I have never been an optimist. Russ refers to me as his "Cups Half Empty Girl". We laugh, but it is true. That is a huge fault that I possess. I victimize myself and think that I deserve something because I have had much struggle in my life that I have already had to deal with...why should things be any easier now? Well, they shouldn't! I deserve nothing! And what I HAVE received to this day is far more than I could EVER deserve or EARN on my own. First and foremost, I have received the love and salvation of my Savious Jesus Christ! I could do NOTHING to earn that! So, why do I deserve anything? I don't! There are people in this world who do not know where they will sleep tonight, or what they may eat, and they serve the Lord with more giving, faith and love than I have given Him in my entire life. When the Lord allows them to be tested through hardships, they praise Him for the lessons that they are able to learn and for the growth in Christ that they are able to establish. Yet, here I sit, about to cry, throwing a one person party for myself...a pity party.

Some people say, "When the world gives you lemons, make lemonade!" Who says that? Whatever! Why would you make yummy scrummy lemonade when you could squeeze the lemon into your open wounds and feel so much pain and sorrow? Well, I am tired of the sorrow! I need my Jesus back....... and some lemonade! What are you doing with your lemons?

Cats at the Campground...

Well, Blake is trying to bank some hefty Accelerated Reader points for school. He has tallied all of his points and has to read 16 more to meet his goal. After going through his books, he has decided that the Animal Ark books are the best option for him. At 4 points apiece, he can read 4 and be done. They are interesting little books about husband and wife veterinarians and all of the animals that he and she deals with. So, the boys are in separate rooms, reading of course, and I go through the living room to put Holden in bed. I see the light on in the bathroom and immediately assume someone left it on unnecessarily, so I go to turn it off and Blake is standing in the bathroom sobbing uncontrollably. He begins telling me about this book that he was reading tonight about a dog with bone cancer that had to be put to sleep.

Almost one year ago, our sweet and beautiful Chocolate Lab, Sassy Tess Brown, had to be put to sleep due to bone cancer and it devastated the whole family! Blake wanted to discuss every detail. He wanted to know WHY? He wanted to know if it was necessary. He wanted to know if it was because he mistreated her in some way. Finally, he wanted to know HOW. The anguish on my little boys face was unbearable. To see the hurt and pain he was feeling demonstrated all across his sweet little face just broke my heart. I held him and we cried together as the tears streamed down his cheeks. "Why did she get cancer? How did she catch it? I wish I could have just had a little more time with her. I wish I could just have one more day with Tess."

So, I explained the following to Blake:
God decides when he is going to take all of us from this earth. Only God knows the day that we will depart from this body. We could die in a car crash tomorrow, or from old age many years down the road. You cannot live your life for tomorrow. You have to take everyday for what it is and not put off loving those in your life. You have to give your time and your love at the only guaranteed time you will have... this moment.

When one plate falls...

So, I am not feeling like the best mom today. Blake had asked me to come see him in chapel. He was to get an award and he was playing Darth Vader in a skit with his teacher. So, to support my son, of course I would go to chapel. We were almost to school when Landon informed me that he had no shoes. AWESOME! Next challenge...figure out how to get Landon shoes and be back at school for chapel (in 20 minutes). God must have kicked my booty out of bed early this morning, because I was running ahead for once. Idea: drop Blake and Gavin off, run down the street to Walmart, get shoes, back to school to chapel. DONE!

So, we go to Walmart...no shoes. WHAT? Seriously? We found one pair (the only one in Landon's size) we will refer to them as atrocia-shoes for future reference.
(FYI - Atrocious + shoes = atrociashoes.) We ran back to school, just in time! Then, I see Gavin's teacher...but no Gavin! "Where is Gavin?", I say. "He is not here today" she says. Hmmm. "Well, I know I am losing my mind, but I did drop him off here at 7:40 am with his brother, Blake." (Current time 8:10 am) "Oh, he is probably already over at the Muffins for Mom's celebration. Are you coming?" says Mrs. Lan, Gavin's teacher. Well, let's see, I knew nothing about it (my own fault) and I had already committed to Blake. She said just to come by her classroom after chapel and Gavin could give me my gift then. Hee Haw, Hee haw! Do you ever have those days when you just feel like the biggest "donkey"? Today is one of those days, and it is only 10am. Ugh! How can I clone myself? So, I made one child happy, while devastating another. My spinning plates are falling one by one!

So, as Mother's Day is fast approaching, there is only one thing I want...FORGIVENESS! Forgiveness from my precious sons, that I can not be everywhere and once, even though I want to be.

Do Circus Performers Make the Best Parents?

As a mother of four boys, I feel as if I am constantly spinning plates to try to keep everyone happy. If one child is cooperative and content then at least one other is not. When that child gets turned around and on the right path, I've lost another along the way. With four completely different personalities, they all seem to be running full speed ahead in four different directions. I have searched through parenting books, sought the help of friends and no one seems to know a solution.

So, as I was looking for schools in Charleston, I came across a school that offers afterschool activities such as unicycling and juggling. Seriously!? Was my first response! Are we trying to raise circus performers now days? Has the economy gotten so bad that the only hope for our children's future is in the circus. If so, how can anyone else afford to go and support our precious circus acting children? Or Maybe... they have the best psychological knowledge of all! Maybe, by teaching the balance and discipline to be a juggler or unicycler (or plate spinner), you are actually teaching our children to be amazing parents.

One Step Ahead

Holden finally decided to try his feet for a change! He has teased us since his birthday with a step or two here and there, but when the going got tough, he would take off on all fours. I figured he would probably NOT be crawling as his main source of transportation by the time he turned 12, but one never knows the will of a child. So, of course, while I was away for the weekend, apparently he decided to do a little walking for dad and Mr. Aaron. Then tonight the show continued with lots of walking with Blake and Landon. Blake really gets him going and he seems to truly enjoy the time that Blake spends with him. So, now the question remains...will he be spending more time walking now, or will he take the lazy man's way out?

Teacher Appreciation

Teacher Appreciation is coming up in a couple of weeks and it gives me great pleasure to try to come up with ideas. Emily and I spend hours googling and searching for the latest and greatest ideas when it comes to party planning, so Teacher Appreciation should be no different. We are in charge of Friday lunch for the teachers and staff, so we are looking at doing a soup and salad bar...stocked full of plenty of delicious toppings and homemade dressings. Yummalicious! Don't forget dessert! Banana Pudding, Peanut Butter Chocolate Bars, Chocolate Covered Pretzels, and Peanut Butter ball Cupcakes.

The Move

So, we are a few short weeks away from our move to Charleston, SC. The move is certainly bitter-sweet for our family. Since being married (April 1998) we have lived in Texas, Louisiana, and South Florida. However, the longest time span has been South Florida for the past 7 years! It is very difficult to leave the familiarity of our lives here and move to the unknown. When we did that in the past, we had less at stake... first it was just Russ and I, then just us and the one child who was a baby and did not know any better. When we got to South Florida, we had a 2 year old and a 5 month old. Now we are dealing with school age children and saying goodbye. We have to think about our children, not just ourselves. I am obsessed with finding the BEST school in our new area, while trying to sell our home in a not so great housing market. In the end, the Lord is my Shephard and I KNOW that we will be taken care of both physically and emotionally, but wow, the devil can really get inside my brain somedays and cause me to worry!

We are excited about living closer to family. We will be about 3 1/2 hours from Wilmington where my parents are living, and 6-7 hours from Russ' mom and dad in Georgia. For the past 11 years, our closest family has been at least 6 1/2 hours away. Of course, our church becomes our family, which is pivitol! We have made some amazing friends along the way, for which I am forever grateful! I feel as if Emily and I were birthed from the same mother. Everyone constantly asks if we are twins, or at least sisters. (I must say, I feel kind of bad for Emily when they ask that. She is a bit thinner than I am and she must be thinking...REALLY?)

Living in the south again should prove to be interesting. Why does it seem that people are friendlier in the south? Why do I feel like I am friendlier when I am IN the south? HHMMMMM!

So, as it stands, we have four weekends left before we pack up and hit the road. We are trying to do everything we can possibly do before we leave other than think about what could be the last time we ever do some of these things...did you get that? If I think about something being the last time, I cry. If I think about goodbye...I cry. Apparently, I cry ALOT!!! Lately!

Weekend Getaway

I do not know how long it has been since I have had a little time to myself to regroup...all I know is it has been TOO LONG. Finally, this weekend I got away and went to the beach with my bestie Emily. We had a great time doing nothing! Lame-o, you say? Not at all! When you are "needed" 24/7 to do everything, having a couple of days to do nothing is great. Now, we did swim with the dolphins, which was AMAZING, yes it was! It is something that I have always wanted to do, and Russ was thinking that since I am scared of everything, especially swimming in the ocean, that I would never do such a thing. WHATEVER! Did it! Marked it off of my bucket list and would LOVE LOVE LOVE to do it again someday. You know, the someday after I make a gazillion dollars, because apparently, it costs a lot to become a personal dolphin toy. Hee hee.

So, after our "Dolphin Encounter" we stopped and picked up some boiled peanuts, a most delicious southern delicacy and went back to the house to become complete noodles for the next 24 hours. We read pointless magazines coupled with our Christian inspired books, of course, to rejuvinate our minds, our bodies and our sanity. What an amazing time. Supposedly, everyone is referring to it as Emily's and my "last hoorah" before Russ and the boys and I move in 4 weeks, but that thought only brings me to a sobbing mess. So, we won't go there!

All I can say, is every mom needs a little "down time". As a mom, our job never ends. It is everyday, ever hour, every minute... I am surprised I lasted this long without snapping. Thank goodness God kept me composed and I was blessed with this little time to myself. Suggestion: take a break every now and again!